There is a great saying that every divorce attorney should impart to his or her clients: “Keep your eyes on the prize.” This saying is an excellent way to keep everyone focused on their core goals during divorce mediation. Couples can avoid the courtroom and get their marriage behind them as quickly, cost-effectively and peacefully as possible.
That said, the success of your mediation proceedings depends on what your “prize” happens to be.
So, are you going to be a Negative Nancy or a Daniel Downer, who comes home from your 9-to-5 office job and schemes how you can get back and get even with your spouse? Or are you going to be a Positive Paulina or a Hopeful Hank and start doing the real work of staying strong, taking the high road and doggedly pursuing a diplomatic solution wherever possible?
Never choose divorce goals based on hurt or anger
If your divorce goals are fueled by anger, selfishness and spite, then the “prize” could involve hurting your soon-to-be ex-spouse as much as possible. That could result in retaliatory actions that aren’t necessarily fair – actions with the goal of hurting an ex-partner financially, legally and emotionally. A spouse might even try to deny the other spouse access to his or her children.
Take the high road and remember that you used to love this person
Divorce mediation is a way to avoid litigation and court proceedings. It is often faster, cheaper, more peaceful and more effective at coming to favorable conclusions than having a judge decide the case. Whenever you enter the mediation process to resolve a divorce, you should keep your eyes on the prize, and here is what your “prize” will hopefully be:
- A legally sound, mutually acceptable and equitable divorce agreement. Such an agreement will honor both sides with a high level of dignity and respect.
- A more relaxed and calm divorce process. Divorce mediation prevents the emotional and psychological trauma of court proceedings.
- Dramatically reduced costs. Because divorce mediation can speed things up exponentially, the time and money spent at the mediation table are time and money well spent. Couples can save a lot of money when they’re able to move past their problems and reach accord with the help of a skilled and experienced mediator.
- Reduced chances of hostile and retaliatory behaviors. Mediation increases the chances of a working and peaceful relationship after divorce. This is an especially attractive outcome for parents of children. The more stress-free your divorce and the better you get along with your ex-spouse, the better it will be for the psychological wellfare of your children.
Do you want to save time, money and stress in your divorce?
Mediation proceedings, when successful, are always superior to court proceedings. However, spouses need to keep their eyes on the right kind of “prize” by focusing on what’s most important in life throughout the process. This will help you take the high road toward an outcome you can be proud of, as opposed to feeling shame, embarrassment or anger over what could have and should have been.
New Jersey spouses considering divorce may want to talk with a family law attorney experienced in divorce mediation, who can guide them toward reaching accord in a divorce split that is as amicable as possible.