Many divorcing couples have spent some time together in “marriage counseling” or “couples therapy” to try to find a way to resolve their issues and ultimately repair their marriage. Typically, the goal of this kind of counseling, whether a couple is considering divorce or not, is to make their marriage stronger.
Yet, there’s another kind of therapy, called discernment counseling, that helps couples where one or both spouses have already determined that divorce is the best option for them. It looks different for every couple, but the process does tend to follow relatively similar paths.
How does it work?
Discernment counseling is led by a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who has received special training. As one such therapist described it, the primary goal is for spouses to “explore each of their needs and concerns for the future as they move down the path of divorce.”
Many couples transition to discernment counseling after ending their “marriage counseling.” It often lasts only a few sessions, but it may continue for longer. It depends in part on how far apart the spouses are in re: how they feel about ending the marriage and/or how they want the divorce to proceed.
Who can benefit the most?
This type of counseling can be particularly helpful if one spouse is ready for divorce and the other isn’t. A therapist can help them understand each other’s feelings. It can especially help the more hesitant spouse come to terms with why the marriage is untenable for their partner.
Discernment counseling can also help couples who will need to transition to co-parents and work together to raise their children across two households, and those who may still need to run a business together. Even if neither of those scenarios is the case, it can help dissipate some anger and resentment that can occur and affect the divorce process if one spouse can’t understand why the other wants to end the marriage.
Ultimately, in addition to all of these potential benefits, counseling can help spouses work more effectively with their legal teams and other professionals they might bring in as they address financial, business, child-related and other aspects of their divorce as well.