With winter approaching, your thoughts may already be turning to what to buy your children for Christmas. If you are going through a divorce or have recently emerged from one, this could add an extra layer of complexity to the matter.
Some coparents see gift-giving as a way to score “points” against their co-parent. Here are some tips to help you handle a person who thinks that way.
Do not try to beat them back
One parent competing with gifts is bad enough; two will only make the matter worse. If you try to compete with them, they may just up the ante, causing further damage to both your wallets and your relationship.
Suggest buying gifts together
Splitting the cost of a present removes the element of competition and can enable you to get your child something they really want without having to stretch your budget. It can also send a clear message to your child — you may have split up, but you continue to work together for their benefit.
Accept that they may spend more than you
Sometimes the simplest option is to let your ex spend whatever they want. If it makes them happy to buy a more expensive gift than you, so be it. The decision to feel aggrieved by this or feel guilty about not spending so much is yours alone to make. If you don’t see it as a problem, then it won’t be an issue for you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your child will judge you for it either. Even if they are more thrilled with their other parent’s gift than yours, it’s not your gift buying they love you for – it’s all the other things you do for them.
Making an effective custody and parenting plan involves more than most people realize. That’s why it is wise to have legal guidance from someone who has helped others through the same process.